I was once sent to a doctor in a busy hospital. The previous patient came out of the room, but I was left waiting in the corridor for 20 or 30 minutes. When the doctor finally called me in, she explained that she was having computer problems, and that she’d been trying to phone the IT technicians but they hadn’t answered her phone call yet. This was why she had kept me waiting. Feeling a sense of urgency about her computer, and unwilling to lose her place in the queue, she left the phone on loudspeaker. We conducted the consultation to the call-waiting music, punctuated by an optimistic recorded voice telling us that they knew we were waiting, and that our call was important to them. I was highly amused at the time, but as I left and wished the doctor good luck with her computer, I realised that the relationship had changed.
My innate politeness stopped me from complaining at the time, and my sense of humour enjoyed the bizarre nature of the consultation. It was only later that I perceived how it impaired the consultation and I felt angry that the doctor had showed me so little respect. I had become the call waiting for the doctor. Coated sheet andI found myself mentally rewriting what happened to include some clever, sarcastic remarks from me. I realised that I was thinking about it far too much and did some visualisations to literally reduce it in size. I imagined I grew like Alice in Wonderland and looked down upon a doll-sized clinic room with a miniature doctor, and felt much better.
Taking it slowly
Using this technique to visually reduce the size of the doctor in her clinic room did much to diminish her importance in my mind. But it did not deal with my anger which would occasionally flare up and I’d have to do the Alice visualisation again. It needed something with a deeper action. There are many different ways of getting rid of anger and returning to forgiveness.
The technique that I used was to visualise the doctor and myself walking the same path and linked together by various ribbons, ropes, strings or chains. I needed to acknowledge that I myself had created many of these ropes or chains. Then I was to ask someone special, like a spiritual guide or Angel to lend me their sword of light with which I could cut these bindings. Having cut them, I said the words, “I totally forgive you and release you from my life.”
Other techniques would be to do something physical, like kicking your car, beating all of the cans flat for recycling or digging in the garden. Or you could try something creative like before and after drawings of the anger sitting inside you, and the anger leaving you.
If you feel an injustice has been done to you, you cannot move on until you have experienced your anger, grief, jealousy or resentment and witnessed your desire for an award-winning revenge. Allow yourself to fully experience your emotions but do not indulge this stage for too long. If you need to shout or burst into tears, then do so. But if you start to feel a grim pleasure in replaying the incident in your mind or you’re boring your friends with your complaints or if your plans for revenge become increasingly extravagant – then most likely your anger is becoming toxic and beginning to damage you as well.